Rockcliff on DOGE-y ground

I woke up today with the usual Tuesday blues, what with the memory of the previous weekend fading and countless days until Friday. But then, lo and behold, an email from Jeremy Rockliff, Premier of Tasmania, arrived in my inbox.

It was like he knew I needed a pick-me-up, so he shared some good news with me.

Here’s what it said:

“A quick update from me. It’s one that affects us all. Red tape and unnecessary regulation—so frustrating, time-consuming, and costly!”

I couldn’t agree more. There’s nothing more frustrating than red tape. Just ask those trying to use the Tasmanian Freight Equalisation Scheme (or TFES, as it’s called in government corridors).

Rockliff continued:

“When I travel around the State speaking to people, I hear that frustration time and time again. I get it! And we need to do something about it.”

Finally! He’s realised that most Tasmanians don’t want to be burdened with the Mac Point Stadium unrepayable debt.

“So, in a few short hours, I will be kicking off the most ambitious plan to slash red tape in Tasmanian history.”

This must be big. It’s the most ambitious plan to cut red tape in Tassie’s history. That can only mean one thing—goodbye TFES, sell the Spirit of Tasmania ferries, and cancel the stadium.

We’re building the Bass Strait road crossing!

“If we’re going to continue to build generational infrastructure and invest record amounts into our frontline services, we need to take the red tape handbrake off the Tasmanian economy. We need the Government to get out of the way of Tasmanians who proudly create the jobs and generate wealth for our great State.”

And naturally, this inspiring roadway won’t have tolls as he goes on to say;

“Others have proposed raising taxes. That’s not for me. In fact, I’m completely against it.”

Which means we won’t be needing schools, hospitals, or anything with a “public” in front of it. Just get in your car and drive to Victoria whenever you need something. Simple!

“We’ll also be taking a comprehensive look at all Government programs. And if a program is not delivering with taxpayer dollars or doesn’t make common sense, it’ll be gone. Because every cent we invest should be value for money.”

So, in summary: a toll-free bridge to Victoria, no taxes, and a government that runs like a lean start-up (presumably before it crashes and burns).

This isn’t just ambitious. It’s visionary.

And of course, none of it is true. There will be no bridge. But the rest? That’s pretty much assured.

Government spending, aka red tape, is going to be slashed. And we’re going full DOGE on this. Because after 11 years of the same party in charge, things are going downhill fast. Like the old saying goes—how long does it take to go bankrupt? Slowly at first, then very rapidly.

Tasmania, get ready. Because we’re just about to hit the rapids.